Mediation in Domestic Violence Cases: What Are the Options?

Understanding Mediation in Domestic Violence Cases

Domestic violence adds a layer of complexity and urgency to child custody disputes. Parents may feel unsafe communicating with each other, fear manipulation or intimidation, or worry that the abusive parent will use mediation as another form of control. Despite these very real concerns, California law still requires that all custody and visitation disputes, even when a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) is in place.

However, mediation in domestic violence cases will include strict safety protocols, offer alternative formats, and create an environment where victims can participate without fear. This includes options like separate sessions, remote participation, and allowing a support person to be present.

This guide explains how mediation works in DV cases, what safety protections are required, how private mediation can be used, and what parents should expect at each stage.

Why Mediation Still Happens in Domestic Violence Cases

California Family Code § 3170 requires mandatory mediation in all custody and visitation disputes before a judge can make a decision. This requirement applies even when there is:

• A temporary or permanent DVRO
• Allegations of abuse without a formal order
• Ongoing investigations or law enforcement involvement
• A history of coercive control or intimidation

The reason mediation is still required is that the state prioritizes child-centered decision-making. Courts recognize that, in many cases, reaching an agreement outside of litigation reduces stress and instability for the child.

But California also acknowledges the risks: when domestic violence exists, parents cannot safely or fairly negotiate without safeguards. That’s why mediation in DV cases follows a very different structure, designed to protect the victim and ensure the conversation centers on the child, not the conflict.

“While the court takes allegations of domestic violence very seriously, not every domestic violence-related incident is directly tied to the parent-child relationship or a parent’s ability to safely and effectively co-parent. In California, there is a rebuttable presumption that a parent found to have perpetrated domestic violence within the statutory period should not be awarded joint legal or joint physical custody. However, the Legislature has expressly recognized that domestic violence cases vary widely in nature, severity, context, and impact. As a result, the presumption is not absolute and may be overcome with evidence demonstrating that awarding custody or visitation is nevertheless in the child’s best interests, including evidence of rehabilitation, compliance with court orders, the absence of risk to the child, and the overall history of parenting and co-parenting dynamic. This is why Mediation is still required even in domestic violence cases.”
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— Ashley Bell, Family Law Attorney

For more information, explore: What To Expect In A DVRO Hearing In California

Special Safety Protections Required by California Law

California mandates protective measures in cases involving domestic violence to ensure that survivors can participate safely and with confidence during mediation. These safeguards are required whether mediation is conducted through Family Court Services (FCS) or private mediation.

“What clients fear most is being forced to face or negotiate directly with their abuser. Mediation in DV cases is structured to prevent that — sessions are separated, communication goes through the mediator, and safety protocols are built in from the start. That structure allows survivors to participate without intimidation while keeping the focus where it belongs, on the child’s safety.”
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— Garen Gevorkian, Family Law Attorney

Separate Sessions (Shuttle Mediation)

Parents must not be required to meet face-to-face. The mediator moves between rooms (or separate Zoom sessions).

Support Persons Allowed

Victims may bring a trusted support person, like a friend, advocate, or counselor, to sit with them. The mediator can remove the support person only if they become disruptive.

Trauma-Informed Mediation Practices

Mediators must be trained in domestic violence, coercive control, and the impact of trauma on communication.

No Direct Communication Between Parents

All communication goes through the mediator. This prevents manipulation, intimidation, or pressure.

Remote Participation if Necessary

Telephone or virtual mediation may be allowed for safety reasons.

Confidentiality and Protection of Personal Information

Addresses, contact information, or sensitive details are confidential.

These protections help prevent retraumatization and give survivors the space to speak frankly about the child’s needs.

What Happens During Court-Ordered Mediation When There Is a DVRO

Although the DVRO states the parties cannot be in the same room, the parties need to insist on separate sessions in case the FCS counselor pushes for a joint session. The process typically follows these steps:

Step 1: Review of the DVRO

The mediator reviews the restraining order, underlying allegations, and any related police or CPS reports. They must understand the history before the session begins.

Step 2: Separate Sessions Begin

The protected parent presents their concerns first, especially regarding safety, exchanges, communication, and past incidents. The mediator then shuttles to the restrained parent to gather their perspective.

Step 3: Safety-Focused Discussions

The mediator focuses heavily on:

• Safe logistics for exchanges
• Supervision needs
• History of harm
• Child's emotional responses
• Violations of prior orders
• Parental communication boundaries

The goal is not reconciliation, it’s child safety.

Step 4: Drafting a Parenting Plan

If parents can reach agreements with appropriate safeguards, the mediator drafts a plan addressing:

• Safe exchanges
• Supervised visitation, if required
• Communication rules
• Travel restrictions
• Protective boundaries

Step 5: If No Agreement Is Reached

What happens next depends on the county.

Recommending counties (e.g., Riverside, Orange, San Diego)

The FCS Counselor shall issue a written recommendation to the judge. This recommendation will be reviewed and relied upon by the Court in issuing its orders.

Non-recommending counties (e.g., Los Angeles)

In non-recommending counties such as Los Angeles County, the mediator does not make custody or visitation recommendations to the judge. If parents do not reach a mediation agreement, the unresolved issues proceed to a court hearing, where the judge makes custody and visitation orders based on the evidence and arguments presented in court.

For more detailed information: What To Expect In A DVRO Hearing In California.

Private Mediation Options for Domestic Violence Cases

Private mediation is a valuable alternative to thoroughly evaluate concerns of risks to the best interests of the child in domestic violence cases. Unlike court mediation through FCS, private mediators:

• Offer longer sessions.
• The Mediator will have specializedtraining in mediating domestic violence cases.
• Allow attorney participation.
• Provide more personalized safety planning.
• Move at a slower, trauma-informed pace.

Private mediation also allows:

Remote participation

Each parent can participate from a safe location.

Involvement of attorneys

Your attorney can be present throughout the session to address legal concerns and provide support.

Detailed, child-centered plans

Private mediators can help create comprehensive plans addressing:

• Therapy.
• Supervised visitation.
• Communication platforms.
• Restraining order compliance.
• Parenting boundaries.

Private mediation is often recommended when:

• There is a history of abuse.
• Parents live far apart.
• One parent consistently violates orders.
• The case involves complex behavioral or mental health concerns.
• Court mediation has repeatedly failed.
• Delays in the ability to obtain court time.

Challenges in DV Mediation And How the System Handles Them

Domestic violence cases present unique complications. Common challenges include:

Power imbalances

The abusive parent may attempt to intimidate or manipulate the process. Safety protocols and separate sessions help neutralize this.

Fear of retaliation

Victims may worry about what will happen after mediation. Clear, enforceable boundaries reduce opportunities for post-mediation harassment.

Communication breakdown

When communication is unsafe, the mediator helps build alternative structures, like monitored messaging apps.

Supervised visitation disputes

Mediation may address:

• Type of supervisor.
• Frequency of visits.
• Length of visits.
• Conditions for modifying supervision.

Children’s emotional or psychological needs

Mediators focus heavily on the child's stress, fears, or trauma responses.

“I recently handled a case in Ventura County where the mediator made a custody recommendation that our client was not comfortable with. So at the time of the hearing, we successfully argued against the mediator's recommendation and the judge made custody orders that aligned with our client's safety concerns.”
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— Nicole You, Family Law Attorney

How to Prepare for DV-Focused Mediation

Preparation is essential, especially when safety is an issue. A family law attorney helps you:

• Understand what the mediator will ask.
• Document safety concerns.
• Prepare a child-centered proposal.
• Avoid language that may be misinterpreted as combative.
• Ensure DVRO violations are clearly communicated.
• Stay focused on the child’s best interests.

Parents should also consider:

Keeping a written timeline of incidents

Be factual, not emotional.

Documenting child-related concerns

School issues, emotional responses, and medical needs.

Preparing safe exchange proposals

Neutral locations, visitation centers, or supervision.

Knowing your non-negotiables

Safety must remain the priority.

8. How Cage & Miles Supports Clients in DV Mediation

Domestic violence custody cases require legal representation from attorneys who understand both the emotional weight and the legal complexities. At Cage & Miles, our team helps clients:

• Prepare thoroughly for mediation and hearings.
• Communicate concerns safely and effectively.
• Propose child-centered, realistic parenting plans.
• Navigate supervised visitation and monitoring requirements.
• Present evidence clearly and respectfully.
• Build long-term safety plans for co-parenting.

Our attorneys combine trauma-informed advocacy with strategic litigation support, ensuring your safety and your child’s well-being remain the top priorities throughout the case.

FAQs About Domestic Violence Mediation in California

Is mediation required in domestic violence cases in California?

Yes. Custody and visitation disputes must go through mediation, even when a DVRO is in place. However, strict safety protocols apply.

Will I have to see or speak to my abuser during mediation?

No. California law requires separate sessions, safety accommodations, and protected communication methods.

Can I bring someone with me to mediation?

Yes. You may bring a support person, such as a friend, advocate, or therapist.

What if mediation feels unsafe or overwhelming?

You can request additional protections, remote mediation, or a support person. You should also speak with an attorney who can help prepare you or seek further court orders related to the child custody mediation process.

Do mediators follow the DVRO?

Absolutely. Mediators must adhere to all restrictions and cannot force joint sessions or communication.

What happens if we do not agree?

The case moves to a custody hearing. In recommending counties, the mediator may also provide a written recommendation to the judge.