10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer in San Diego

Choosing the right divorce lawyer may be one of the most important decisions you make during the divorce process. The attorney you hire will not only guide you through the legal system but also shape the outcome of issues like property division, child custody, and financial support.

Not all attorneys bring the same level of experience, specialization, or approach to the table. Some may focus heavily on litigation, while others emphasize settlement or mediation. Their communication style, availability, and understanding of complex family law issues can make a big difference in your experience.

Asking the right questions before you hire a lawyer ensures that you find someone who matches your needs, goals, and expectations. The answers can help you feel more confident in your choice and give you a clearer picture of what working with that attorney will look like.

The 10 Essential Questions

1. Are You a Certified Family Law Specialist in California?

Not all family law attorneys have board certification. A Certified Family Law Specialist has undergone additional training, passed rigorous testing, and been recognized by the State Bar for their expertise. This matters because divorce law in California is complex, and certification signals advanced knowledge and a proven track record handling family law cases at the highest level.

2. How Much Experience Do You Have With Cases Like Mine?

Every divorce is unique. Some involve business valuations, others focus on custody disputes, and others center on long-term spousal support. Asking about your attorney’s direct experience with cases like yours helps you gauge whether they have the right tools and strategies. For example, a high-net-worth divorce involving multiple properties is very different from a straightforward separation with limited assets.

3. What Is Your Approach to Divorce Cases?

Some attorneys favor aggressive litigation and courtroom advocacy, while others prefer negotiation, settlement, or collaborative approaches. Neither method is right or wrong, but it’s important that your attorney’s philosophy aligns with your goals. If you hope to avoid court, you’ll want someone skilled in settlement. If your case is high-conflict, you may need an attorney comfortable with litigation.

"In my experience, most cases end in settlement, but sometimes you need to litigate aggressively at first in order to encourage the other party to settle. Oftentimes, there is one key issue that is holding up the case, and then once that issue is resolved it becomes easy to settle everything else."

— Nicole You, Family Law Attorney

4. How Do You Communicate With Clients?

Divorce can be stressful, and waiting for updates makes it worse. Ask how quickly the attorney responds to calls or emails, whether they use a client portal, and how often you can expect to hear from them. Having clear communication expectations ensures you feel supported and prevents unnecessary anxiety throughout the process.

5. Who Will Handle My Case Day to Day?

At larger firms, the lead attorney you meet during your consultation may not handle the details of your case every day. It’s important to know whether associates, paralegals, or other team members will be your main contacts. A team approach can be beneficial, it often means your case is worked on efficiently, but you should understand who is responsible for what.

6. What Are Your Fees and Billing Practices?

Divorce costs can add up quickly. To avoid surprises, ask whether the firm bills hourly or offers flat-fee options, how retainers are used, and what services are included. Transparency in billing practices helps you plan your budget and reduces stress, especially when the financial aspects of divorce are already overwhelming.

"One of the most effective and cost-efficient strategies I have found in challenging contested divorce cases is engaging in mandatory settlement conferences before a retired judge who serves as a mediator or arbitrator. These retired judges bring invaluable real-world litigation experience, having presided over numerous family law trials throughout their careers. Their unique perspective allows them to apply the law directly to the specific facts of the case, providing the parties with a clearer understanding of how a court is likely to rule."

— Ashley Bell, Family Law Attorney

7. What Outcomes Can I Realistically Expect?

A skilled attorney won’t promise you everything you want, but they will give you an honest assessment of what’s likely given California’s laws and the specifics of your case. For example, property division follows community property rules, and custody decisions are based on the child’s best interests. Honest, realistic advice early on sets expectations and helps you make informed decisions.

8. How Do You Approach Child Custody and Support Issues?

If children are involved, custody and support become the most sensitive, and often most emotional, parts of divorce. Ask how the attorney balances advocating for your parental rights with prioritizing your child’s well-being. Their approach to custody arrangements, parenting plans, and child support calculations will impact your family for years to come.

9. What Strategies Do You Use for High-Conflict Situations?

Not all divorces can be resolved peacefully. High-conflict cases may involve domestic violence, hidden assets, or parents unwilling to compromise. In these situations, your attorney should be able to outline strategies such as mediation, settlement conferences, or strong litigation tactics when necessary. Their ability to adapt to conflict is key to protecting your interests.

10. What Sets Your Firm Apart From Others in San Diego?

This is your chance to learn what makes the attorney and their firm unique. Do they have board-certified specialists on staff? Have they successfully handled cases involving high-profile clients or complex financial matters? Do they have a reputation for compassionate advocacy as well as courtroom strength? Their answer will give you a sense of their values, priorities, and credibility in the community.

Red Flags to Watch For

Choosing the wrong attorney can make an already stressful process even harder. While asking the right questions is important, it’s equally critical to recognize warning signs that may indicate an attorney isn’t the right fit for your divorce case.

Unrealistic Promises

Be cautious of attorneys who guarantee specific outcomes. Divorce cases are influenced by many factors, including judges, opposing counsel, and unique facts, so no lawyer can promise a particular result. Instead, a trustworthy attorney will provide honest assessments and prepare you for a range of possible outcomes.

Poor Communication or Vague Answers

If your initial conversations leave you confused or waiting days for a reply, that pattern may continue once your case begins. Divorce requires ongoing communication, so responsiveness and clear explanations are essential. Attorneys should make you feel heard, understood, and informed about your options.

Lack of Specialization in Family Law

Family law in California is highly specialized. An attorney who practices in multiple unrelated areas (like criminal defense or personal injury) may not have the depth of knowledge required for complex divorce issues such as custody, high-value asset division, or spousal support. Look for an attorney who focuses exclusively, or primarily, on family law.

Conclusion

Finding the right divorce lawyer is about more than credentials, it’s about trust, communication, and alignment with your goals. By asking thoughtful questions and watching for potential red flags, you can choose an attorney who not only understands the law but also understands you.

At Cage & Miles, we know how important this decision is. Our certified family law specialists have guided thousands of California families through divorce, custody, and support matters. We’re here to provide clarity, protect your rights, and help you move forward with confidence.

If you’re considering divorce in San Diego, contact Cage & Miles today. Our team will answer your questions, explain your options, and stand by your side every step of the way.