So You’re Getting Divorced. Now What?

You might not remember exactly when the word “divorce” became real for you.

Maybe it was a quiet moment. Maybe it was an argument. Maybe it was mutual. Maybe it wasn't.

What matters most right now is this:

You are not alone—and you don’t have to figure everything out at once.

As a family mediator, I meet people every day who are trying to find steady ground in the middle of emotional chaos. Some are reeling from the shock. Others have been preparing quietly for months. Wherever you are on that path, this post is meant to help you take a breath, take stock, and take the next gentle step forward.

The Three Things to Focus on First

You don’t need to know your full plan today. But it helps to start by focusing on just three areas

1. Safety & Stability

This includes physical, emotional, and financial safety—for you and any children involved.

Ask yourself:

• Are we able to cohabitate safely for now?
• Do I need guidance from a therapist, advocate, or legal advisor to ensure basic safety or boundaries?
• Can I pay bills, access money, and keep essential routines running?

If your answer to any of these is “I’m not sure,” that’s okay. Identifying the question is the first step toward resolving it.

2. Emotional Support

Even if the decision to separate was mutual, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. You might feel exhausted, relieved, sad, angry—or all of the above in a single hour.

You deserve support. This could come from:

• A trusted friend who listens without taking sides
• A therapist or counselor
• Support groups (online or in person)
• A good book or podcast that reminds you you're not alone

Mediation can also be part of that support system—helping keep the discussions respectful and grounded.

3. Gathering Information—Without Overwhelm

You don’t need to understand every detail of property division, support obligations, or parenting agreements right away. But you do need to understand your basic options.

That includes:

• The difference between mediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation
• How finances and parenting are typically approached in divorce
• What your goals and concerns are—even if they’re not fully formed yet

A Note About Mediation

In mediation, our role is to provide legal information—not legal advice—so you can better understand your options and make thoughtful, informed decisions without pressure or escalation. In our practice, we offer a respectful, neutral space where conversations can move forward at your own pace. Whether you work with me or another experienced mediator on our team, the focus is always the same: helping you move through this process with clarity, steadiness, and care—even when the path feels uncertain.

One Gentle Step at a Time

Divorce is not a single moment. It’s a process—and one you can walk through with clarity and dignity. You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you can begin. Right where you are.

You might still be living together, living apart, or somewhere in between. Maybe you’ve filed paperwork, maybe only one of you has started the process—or maybe you're just beginning to talk about it. Wherever you are, mediation can meet you there. It’s designed to support conversations at every stage, at your pace, with respect and care.

And part of that process is figuring out which tool is right for which task—whether you’re sorting out co-parenting, finances, living arrangements, or support. Never underestimate the power of the right tool for a difficult job. (Think: the garlic press, not the butter knife. A drill, not a screwdriver when you're building a deck.) The right approach doesn’t just make things easier—it makes the outcome stronger.

So start with these questions:

• What do I need this week to feel a little more stable?
• What kind of support do I want around me?
• What information do I need to gather that will help me be more grounded?
• What’s one thing I can do today to care for myself?

That’s enough. Really.

Next time, we’ll talk about “The Pause Button”—and why slowing down can actually move your divorce forward in the right way.

Until then, take a deep breath. You’re doing the best you can. And that’s more than enough for now.